Before we go any further in our blogscapades, a disclaimer is useful.
We do not hate girls. Girls are awesome. In fact, if girls weren't around, we wouldn't be either. We think very highly of women. I personally know some very smart, strong, beautiful, and kind women.
Unfortunately for these women, we just happen to be very cynical men. Thus, while we notice and are jealous of the many wonderful attributes they possess and display, we also notice, and can't help but comment on, the failings of women the world over (I like commas). Being the cynical men we are, we apply these failings to the individual women we know. Sometimes, indeed many times, this leads to erroneous impressions.
We apologize for, but are in no way responsible for, these misunderstandings.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Girls. Oh boy....
People like to understand things. No one likes being ignorant of something they use or are involved with. That could explain why most of the girls I know are still single… But I'm getting ahead of myself. This article is designed to help you understand a few important facts. As this is a very important topic this article will come in two parts. In the first part we will discuss what you can expect from a girlfriend. You can't just live without them, so what can you do to live with them? We'll talk about that in part two. You will most likely wind up married to a girl someday, thus, I'd suggest you read this and learn how to get along with them.
Maybe you are saying to yourself "but I like girls!" If so, you would have a lot to learn about them. Girls are like taking crack, you know it's bad for you, but you just can't not do it.
So what can you expect from a girl? Here are four things that I think are important to be ready for.
1. Don't expect them to pay attention to you. How many times has a girl really ever paid attention to what you were saying? Do they really care? I think not. Females are very good at pretending to listen. Check it out for yourself sometime. Have a conversation with a girl and after a moment or two just begin blabbering about any random topic. They don't even have to be real words. Then see what they do. Odds are they will continue to smile and nod, maybe even laugh once in a while. Then they will excuse themselves to go huddle with other girls. They will then proceed to glance at you and laugh.
2. Don't expect them to really like you. What they are doing is more accurately termed "putting up with you." Think about it. After you have your conversation, or even before sometimes, they will huddle together and look at you and laugh. Do not be so naïve as to believe that they just happened to look at you when someone said something funny. The only time that happens is when they say something funny about you. Neither of these situations leans to your favor.
3. Don't expect to save any money. If you ever do manage to attain a girlfriend expect to shell out the cash. Girls are very expensive. They don't like something that isn't expensive. For example, a common saying is that "a diamond is a girl's best friend," I think it goes without saying that diamonds are expensive. The only diamonds that aren't expensive are only going to make your girl hate you, trust me, I see that in movies all the time. Maybe you think you're lucky because your girl is fine with less expensive gifts like purses, shoes, clothes, or something like that. Maybe you should look at how many she has. Chances are she has at least 3 or 4 purses, 5 or 6 pairs of shoes, and at least 9 different outfits ("outfit" here means clothes she bought specifically to go together, I'm not including mixing and matching). Also, girls have to replace everything every few months. When summer comes all the winter clothes go in the trash, because "they just won't be in style next year!"
4. Don't expect to retain your honest nature. Have you ever been asked "how do I look in this?" What did you say? Most likely you responded with something like "fantastic, simply stunning!" Why you ask? Girls don't want the truth, they want to be flattered (this is important to remember and will be mentioned again later). Get used to lying, you'll be doing a lot of it if you get a girl (I suggest taking poker lessons, you'll have fun and learn to "bluff").
In case you can't last until the next half of the article, here is a quick bit of advice on how to please girls. Girls just want to have lunch.
To be continued…
Maybe you are saying to yourself "but I like girls!" If so, you would have a lot to learn about them. Girls are like taking crack, you know it's bad for you, but you just can't not do it.
So what can you expect from a girl? Here are four things that I think are important to be ready for.
1. Don't expect them to pay attention to you. How many times has a girl really ever paid attention to what you were saying? Do they really care? I think not. Females are very good at pretending to listen. Check it out for yourself sometime. Have a conversation with a girl and after a moment or two just begin blabbering about any random topic. They don't even have to be real words. Then see what they do. Odds are they will continue to smile and nod, maybe even laugh once in a while. Then they will excuse themselves to go huddle with other girls. They will then proceed to glance at you and laugh.
2. Don't expect them to really like you. What they are doing is more accurately termed "putting up with you." Think about it. After you have your conversation, or even before sometimes, they will huddle together and look at you and laugh. Do not be so naïve as to believe that they just happened to look at you when someone said something funny. The only time that happens is when they say something funny about you. Neither of these situations leans to your favor.
3. Don't expect to save any money. If you ever do manage to attain a girlfriend expect to shell out the cash. Girls are very expensive. They don't like something that isn't expensive. For example, a common saying is that "a diamond is a girl's best friend," I think it goes without saying that diamonds are expensive. The only diamonds that aren't expensive are only going to make your girl hate you, trust me, I see that in movies all the time. Maybe you think you're lucky because your girl is fine with less expensive gifts like purses, shoes, clothes, or something like that. Maybe you should look at how many she has. Chances are she has at least 3 or 4 purses, 5 or 6 pairs of shoes, and at least 9 different outfits ("outfit" here means clothes she bought specifically to go together, I'm not including mixing and matching). Also, girls have to replace everything every few months. When summer comes all the winter clothes go in the trash, because "they just won't be in style next year!"
4. Don't expect to retain your honest nature. Have you ever been asked "how do I look in this?" What did you say? Most likely you responded with something like "fantastic, simply stunning!" Why you ask? Girls don't want the truth, they want to be flattered (this is important to remember and will be mentioned again later). Get used to lying, you'll be doing a lot of it if you get a girl (I suggest taking poker lessons, you'll have fun and learn to "bluff").
In case you can't last until the next half of the article, here is a quick bit of advice on how to please girls. Girls just want to have lunch.
To be continued…
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